3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
