he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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