remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
