you traded sex for a burrito?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
