im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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