You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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