One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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