Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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