I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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