I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
