I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
