Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
