Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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