like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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