glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
