Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
