Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
