please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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