do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
