she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
