Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
