ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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