i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
