I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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