you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
