Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
