You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
