Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
