some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
