i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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