My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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