youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
