I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
