We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
