I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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