Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
