so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
