your parents love me but you hate me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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