PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
