Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
