please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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