woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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