Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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