Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
