tell your sister to shave her snatch
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
