I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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