Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
