i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
