he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
