are you still at the devil's house?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
