There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
