Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
