I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
