i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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