he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
