we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
