Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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