I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
