your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
