omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
