God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
