one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better