Can i not drive my cunt home
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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