this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?