I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again