i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize