There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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