dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
