Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
