Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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