Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
