Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
