i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
