as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
