i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
