He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
