He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to sanitize my soul.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
