I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
