brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
