I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
