By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
