Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
