drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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