Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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