His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
